They say chivalry is dead, but even if it was, that’s great news to you single guys out there. Why? Because the less guys who understand the art of being a gentleman, the greater an impact it has on women when you do bring out the bag of gentlemanly tricks.
The goal, of course, is not to attract women using these gentlemanly gestures as ways to manipulate her into liking you. Rather, have the attitude that if you’re already going out on a date with a woman, the attraction is already there - otherwise, she would have told you she needs to wash her hair to get out of the date in the first place.
In other words, don’t think these things alone will be the secret to attracting women, but use them as small gestures that communicate that since you like to take care of yourself, you don’t mind sharing some of your generosity with her. Here are five gentlemanly gestures you can use on your next date.
1. Walk close to her, and know where to be.
Remember, if you’re on a date already, she’s already at least mildly into you - so don’t walk on eggshells. Get up close, like you would if she was your girlfriend, because it does her the favor of removing a lot of the guessing games that happen on dates.
And here’s one other rule of thumb: if you’re the man, it’s your job to be closer to the curb than her. That means you’ll typically be walking on the left - closer to traffic. This is a protective gesture, and make sure to enforce it either by simply walking there first, or asking her politely to get on the proper side. If she asks why, you know the answer. Plus: this gesture of protection will also require you to be a little assertive and take the lead - something women enjoy immensely.
2. Be choosy for her.
If you’re headed to a restaurant and there are more than a few tables available, don’t be afraid to be picky and ask for one specifically. What’s so gentlemanly about being picky? Well, while you don’t want to be picky about everything, you do want to communicate that you have some personal standards and that you want the girl you’re with taken care of.
Similarly, ask the waiter/waitress about the menu, ask him/her about the most popular items, and which items the chef takes the most pride in. If your date doesn’t like her food, do the fighting for her, and ask for something else. The key here is that you see yourself as in charge of how the experience goes, and you want to make it a pleasant one.
3. Open doors, pull out chairs - and joke about it if you feel like saying something.
Yes, she can see you’re pulling out her chair, so don’t make a royal procession of it. It’s one thing to be gentlemanly, it’s another thing to think that you being a gentleman will get you more attraction. It won’t, unless you come from a carefree attitude.
So if you do say something when you open a door or pull out her chair, make sure it’s funny. For example, after she sits down, say “Hey - I was going to sit there! Why do you think I pulled it out?” Since it will be obvious you pulled it out for her, this should illicit a laugh. That’s it; you’re a gentleman with a sense of humor - score one for you. Simply move on from there.
4. Be relaxed.
Think about your image of a successful gentleman: you’re probably not imagining a guy who’s tense, leaning in, and indulging in all sorts of nervous ticks. So at the start of the date, put no pressure on the interaction - including no pressure on yourself - lean back, and relax. This is supposed to be an enjoyable experience, and it’s supposed to be fun hanging out with her.
Women are hard-wired to detect your emotional state and duplicate it a bit, so being relaxed will put her at ease, as well.
5. Kiss her - and get your timing down.
If you do all of these things, enjoy your time together, and don’t go for the kiss, you’re not being an upstanding English gentleman, you’re letting her down. It would be ungentlemanly not to kiss her, especially if things are going well.
The key here is: don’t hesitate. If you and her exchange some prolonged eye contact without words, and she looks at your lips just once, she wants to kiss you. Even if you’re still at the table, it’s time to pull the trigger. Say something simple like “C’mere,” lean in, and let her lean in with you - if she wants it, she’ll lean in, too - then grab her chin gently and plant one on her.
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