It’s not unusual for lonely guys to be really, really intelligent. They got good grades in school, they have a good job, and they can talk about theoretical physics. So why can’t they get a date?
Because they’re really, really intelligent.
See, the problem is that some guys love being intelligent so much that make their intelligence that fountain that holds up their self-esteem. There’s nothing wrong with viewing yourself as intelligent, but there is a problem when this identity manifests itself as a need to intellectualize everything.
So for those guys who think too much, let’s see if we can shut off the mental chatter for a while and start enjoying the presence of women.
Don’t Destroy the Vibe
Let’s say you’re talking to a woman of interest, and she throws out this whopper:
Girl: “I can’t stand Russell Crowe. I hated ‘Troy.’
Of course, my intellectual brothers, you know that Russell Crowe was not in Troy. He was in Gladiator and was nominated for an Academy Award and … okay, I’ve got to stop even myself.
Now, if you’re going to overthink everything, you might feel the temptation to correct the girl.
Boy: Actually, that was Brad Pitt in ‘Troy.’
Girl: Oh. [Awkward silence]
Way to go, professor. No one’s impressed with your knowledge of film, however encyclopedic it may be. When the girl threw out that “Russell Crowe” comment, she wasn’t asking for a casting list. She just wanted to throw out a “vibe” and have you respond to it.
For guys, it’s tempting to view “words” as the way to a woman’s heart. But words matter much less than you think. You may think that the language of attraction looks like a Shakespeare sonnet, but women don’t speak that language. Women speak “emotion-ese.” Let’s try it again.
Girl: “I can’t stand Russell Crowe. I hated ‘Troy.’
Boy: Know what movie I love? I love ‘Casablanca.’ Sure, it’s old school, but you don’t know until you’ve seen it.
In this case, you’re saying what’s amusing you at the moment, and she’d much rather enjoy that ride than get corrected.
Fight the temptation to correct people. They don’t want to be corrected, they just want to interact and have a good time.
Will this get you the girl? Not by itself, no. But it will help you from tripping over yourself.
Thinking Too Much Leads to Hesitation
Let’s explore a deeper way that over-thinking can hinder your dating life.
Imagine the girl of your dreams is sitting at the other side of the bar, sipping a drink slowly, looking around nervously like she’s waiting for someone.
A million thoughts race through your head, and soon the rationalizations to not approach her start. “Maybe she’s waiting for her boyfriend.” “Maybe she’s waiting for her husband.” “Maybe she looks nervous because she doesn’t want anyone to approach her.” “I don’t look like her type.”
Why is this “thinking too much”? Because you have no idea if any of those rationalizations are true. It’s far better to go up to the girl and find out if she’s single or not.
Many dating coaches recommend going up to a girl the second you see her. Doing so cuts out the time you’re allowed to think about it and talk yourself out of approaching her.
As someone who has approached more than one stranger in his lifetime, let me tell you: it won’t be as bad as you think.
Sometimes, even a woman who’s with a guy might have just met him.
But if you waste your time trying to think your way into action, you won’t find out.
When it comes to meeting women, you have to be willing to miss some shots. The more you take, the more you’ll make. Keep acting, acting, acting - not thinking, thinking, thinking. You’ll get yourself out of the habit of over-intellectualizing and you’ll cut your own nervousness short.
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