Whether you’re exchanging e-mails online or making an impression on your first date, part of the courting process will eventually sound like a casual job interview.
You know the questions I’m talking about: what do you do, where are you from, where did you go to school, what do you like to do for fun.
There’s nothing wrong with these questions - in fact, if you’re out with a guy or gal and they’re asking you these things, you can take them as a sign of interest. They’re trying to get a feel for your personal history and what your life has been like up until this point.
But too often, guys get lost in the “how can I answer these in a way she likes?” mode of thinking, and in the process, end up looking like every other guy out there.
Here are some strategies and tips for answering these questions in a way that communicates all of the best things about you, and ultimately moves the interaction forward.
Get a life.
Understand that it’s not about what you do in your life, but how you do it. Are you passionate about your life? Do you feel like you’re going somewhere? Women, especially, will be sniffing you out for signs of ambition and goal-seeking behavior, because they want to feel like they’re with a man who’s in charge of his own life.
I don’t care if all you do is sit around and play video games; if you’re not passionate about your life, then something’s wrong. And women will smell that on you quicker than over-applied cologne. When she asks “what do you do?” and she sees a fire light up behind your eyes, the actual words will matter less and less.
Don’t make excuses.
Let’s say you currently work at the local Blockbuster. You might be asking “How on earth do I make that sound exciting, or get passion about that?” First, realize that your second-rate job doesn’t define you, your career ambitions, or the way you want your life to unfold.
When a woman is asking about you and your life, she wants to hear a story, not a resume. And everyone has a unique story that’s worth telling. Even if your life has been nothing but boredom, or nothing but obstacles, overcoming those things can be your story.
Don’t attempt to “qualify” your current status to her. Don’t say “I work at Blockbuster, but I only do it because I need the money right now.” That reeks of desperation and insecurity. Instead, a simple, “I work at Blockbuster. It’s fun there, but what I spend most of my time thinking about is ______. I love ______.”
Don’t look to become part of her story.
Ultimately, a woman will go after a man that she feels is worth chasing, and you’re not worth chasing if you’re already chasing her. After you tell her, with passion, the fun and excitement that make up your current ambitions, ask her about her life. But don’t get too into it; you’re not looking to become a supporting player in the movie of her life.
Men with their own lives “handled,” and who know where they’re going don’t beg or seek to be a part of their girlfriends’ stories.
How you handle the logistics of your interactions - especially as it pertains to online dating - will be important. Don’t take any one girl too seriously, or try too hard to make anything happen. If she has to go, ask her for her e-mail or phone number and let her go. Don’t say “wait!”
If you ask her out and she says she’s busy, say “cancel your plans.” You’re more fun than what she had planned, and she has to know that there’s a window of opportunity with you.
If you can communicate at all times that you’re a man with goals and ambition, and who has plenty of options with women in his life - without directly saying it, of course - you’ll notice women becoming more interested in you.
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