One of the interesting things to note about “dating” is that it’s not “friending.” While we all like to find members of the opposite sex - we’ll call them girlfriends and boyfriends - that we enjoy as much as our closest friends, chances are you’re not in the dating game only for a PlayStation buddy.
So what distinguishes a friend from a potential lover?
Simple. Touch. The way we touch people reflects and shapes our relationship with them. Touching is non-verbal communication that often speaks louder than words.
If you have trouble wrapping your head around that, imagine getting onto an elevator and seeing a man and a woman, each standing on separate ends and making no conversation. Probably strangers, right?
What if the man and the woman are holding hands? That “says” a lot about them, even though they still might not be making any conversation at that exact minute.
Whether you start your relationship with a woman on Match.com, in a bar, or on a blind date, eventually, if you’re getting somewhere, the two of you are going to - gasp! - touch each other. Here’s how to do it right and wrong.
Right: Start from the bottom up. Unless you’re a smooth operator with a license to thrill and a daredevil streak, it’s probably not the best idea to start your first interaction with a woman by making out with her. There’s a progression of touch that usually happens, and if it was just as easy as starting wherever you pleased, believe me, more guys would be doing it. Get comfortable with a woman, and get comfortable with innocent-to-slightly-non-innocent-touching in a progression. Start with something easy like a hand or playful shoulder nudge.
Wrong: Assuming touch works the same way for guys and gals. It doesn’t. Men, with our silly man brains, can easily get aroused if they’re touched by a woman, even if she’s not the prettiest peahen in the barn. It doesn’t necessarily work both ways. You can’t “force” a girl to like you by touching her and assuming that nature will takes its course. In fact, assuming that women get excited by this usually just creeps them out.
Right: Use touch to see gauge a woman’s feelings. Does she squeeze your hand back when you try to hold hers? If you give her a high-five, does she hold on to your hand a second too long? If so, you’re on the right track. If she doesn’t reciprocate right away, don’t feel that all is lost; just stay cool and maybe try again later. But do use your common sense: if she’s repulsed by your touch and physically pushes you away, uh, read those signals too.
Wrong: Perving it up in front of her friends, especially if you just met her the same day. The last thing in the world a woman wants to be is “easy,” and she especially doesn’t want to look that way with her friends right there.
Right: Being comfortable with touch. Many naturally outgoing people use touch as a way to control and direct conversations, even with people they have no sexual interest in. Watch football players celebrate on the sidelines: there’s a lot of touch involved. The more naturally you use (innocent) touch in your every day conversations, the more comfortable you’ll be using it with a woman you’re really interested in. If you’re comfortable, she’ll become comfortable too.
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