Dating Advice: Taking the Lead

I can already hear you. You men are thinking “oh, come on, I know I’m supposed to take the lead.” True, but do you know how?

Both men and women have a lot to learn about taking the lead. Taking the lead applies to everything in life, from leading your partner in a salsa dance to being proactive with your relationships and setting your own standards.

Truthfully, the mating dance between men and women does indeed often place pressure on the male of the species. Hey guys: you do realize it’s usually on us to take the risk of approaching women we don’t know, or making the first “moves,” right?

Here are some ways men can take the lead:

Go, unapologetically, after who and what you want. This seems obvious, but how many of us really go after what we truly want in life? For men, this means ignoring the little voice in your head that gives you a thousand excuses not to approach an attractive woman.

I can’t - she’s with her friends. I can’t - I’m probably not her type. I can’t - she’s out of my league.

Deep down, we all know these little rationalizations we create for ourselves are just illusions.

When it comes to dating, you will more often regret the chances you didn’t take. Even if you approach the object of your desires and fail spectacularly, deep down you might just respect yourself for taking the lead.

Set your own schedule. Guys, here’s a magical phrase you can say to a woman you’re interested in: “Keep Friday night open.”

What does it say - underneath the words?

It says you set your dating schedule like you’re the President of your own small company. It says you’re living an exciting life, and if she wants to hop on board, well, she’s going to have to keep Friday night open.

That’s completely different from saying “when can you come out with me?” or begging her to come out with you. What does that say - underneath the words? It says you’re too worried about weaseling your way into her life and not worried enough about having a life of your own.

Here’s the rule of thumb for you guys: be the party coordinator of your own life. Be the guy making the plans and getting people together. Have an answer to “so, what are we doing tonight?”

Having a plan, and a schedule, shows that you’re calm, relaxed, and that you’ve done this before. Does that sound like something an attractive, confident man might do?

When you turn up the heat, don’t lose your cool. When it’s time to escalate the game physically, you can’t lose your cool. Sometimes women will go for a kiss or a makeout on their own volition, but men shouldn’t count on it. Ever.

Let’s face the harsh truth: you might go for a kiss at the wrong time. (By the way, in case you’re wondering: if you’re going for a kiss at the “wrong time,” it better be because it’s too early, not too late.) Generally, if your gut is screaming kiss her, then it might be the time to do it - even if it’s five minutes after meeting her.

The important thing to watch for is not whether she kisses back, but how she reacts overall. If she rejects the kiss by facing her cheek to you, does she still smile and stay in your presence? Then she likes you. Stay cool, and try again later. As simple as that.

Obviously, don’t be a perv - try to read her reactions and see if she really likes you. Don’t go around kissing strangers.

Sometimes, just the guts you have to go for a kiss at a time of your choosing, alone, is attractive to women.

Dance to your own tune. Women are experts at reading your body language to see how you’re feeling in any given moment. Some scientists have said that when humans interact, the person with the most dominant feelings will eventually spread those feelings to others. For example, can you remember the last time you interacted with someone in a good mood? Afterwards, did you feel better?

That’s why it’s important to control your own emotions and dance to your own tune. Remember this rule of thumb: if you feel relaxed and happy, she probably will end up feeling the same way.

So if you try to take the lead and it doesn’t work, keep on dancing to that same tune. Don’t let it get to you. Lead yourself first and others will follow.

Often, women might turn down an initial kiss attempt just to see how you react. And how do you react? Do you get depressed and down on yourself, as if to say, sigh, not this again? Or do you act like a champ? Do you stay happy and continue to get your emotions from yourself, and not from her?

Dance to your own tune: it’s the hallmark of someone who’s taking the lead.