Have you ever been out to a bar or nightclub and seen a group of guys huddled around the same corner, holding their drinks nearly up to their chests and looking around the room? Kind of odd, isn’t it? What’s worse, you might remember being one of those guys. Even though they’re out in a heavily social environment, something seems to be keeping them from getting out of their shell - at least until they finish that fifth beer.
What might be holding you back in similar ways? The fear of coming across as “weird,” “creepy,” or “odd.” Ironically enough, caving in to this fear can actually produce some of the “weirdest” behaviors you’ll use. So how do you break free of this fear and start behaving like the relaxed cool guy you know that you are deep down? Let’s look a little deeper.
Better Weird than Stifled
Fear has a lot of uses. If you look out a window and see ten stories down, you probably feel a little afraid of heights. That fear keeps you behaving normally and helps you avoid jumping out of that window. But when our fears dictate our social lives, we run the risk of placing too much stock in them.
When you allow your anxiety over meeting women to dictate your behavior, you actually act in a way that makes it more likely you’ll get rejected - or worse yet, no feedback at all.
For example, let’s say you’re out on a date: dinner and a movie. During the movie, you really want to put your arm around your date, but you don’t because you’re afraid of how poorly the move might be received. So you don’t.
You might be thinking something along these lines:
Guy: “Gosh, I really want to put my arm around her. But what happens after that? What if she doesn’t do anything? My arm will just be hanging there. I’ll do it after this scene. Well, wait, that scene just ended. I’ll do it after this next scene.”
Meanwhile, your date is thinking something like this:
Gal: “I wonder if he’s going to put his arm around me - I’ve been trying to give him hints. This is getting a little awkward.”
Get the point?
The best way to confront the “fear of weird” is to tackle it head-on. Don’t just put your arm around your date, put it around her confidently; invite her to snug up to you. Don’t just approach that gorgeous girl, approach with a big smile and a clear “hello.”
Act, Don’t React
Men have the responsibility of being the “do-ers” in a relationship: we’re expected to make the moves, to ask the woman out, to propose marriage. This can feel like a burden, but there’s also an advantage present: we’re expected to dictate the tone of our interactions.
This means that you’re not reacting to what a woman’s doing. It means you’re simply acting out of your own standards and for your own amusement. You couldn’t care less about how she reacts to you; even if she rejects you, at least she’s letting you know that your attention is better placed somewhere else.
It’s the guys who place women on a pedestal and wait for them to take action that come across as weird.
You’ll notice a lot of so-called “creepy” and “weird” behaviors result from men who are overly reactive. Weak eye contact because you don’t want to come across as glaring at her? Awkward. Break out in anger because you lost to her in a game of pool? Weird. Hover around her for five minutes before getting the courage to approach her? Creepy.
Talk to her. Touch her. Go for the kiss. Ask her for her number. Tell her you want to take her out. Put your arm around her. Fail, and fail big.
Not only will you have a greater chance of success, but when you fail, you’ll at least fail with the dignity that deep down you know you deserve. You went down trying. Don’t fear coming across as “weird.” Fear not holding yourself up to high standards of courage and conviction.
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