How to “Practice” Dating

You’ve heard a lot of advice on this Web site that talks about getting practice under your belt. But how exactly does someone “practice” some like that? Aren’t there too many variables? Shouldn’t you view the woman as more than “practice”? And isn’t it hard to practice dating when you can’t get a date in the first place?

All very good questions - and ones we’ll want to wrestle with. That’s why this article will have the answers.

Aren’t there too many variables?

Sure, but like anything, you’ll find that dating has several principles that you can practice over and over - the “fundamentals,” if you will. There are plenty of variables in how a single game of basketball is played, yet preparing with fundamentals like shooting, defense, and dribbling will help you immeasurably.

What are some of these “dating” fundamentals? I can think of a few off the top of my head: confidence, positivity, healthy self-esteem. Having these fundamentals well-prepared for will help you on each date - even if you see something new every time.

Shouldn’t you view women as more than “practice?”

Of course. The more women you approach, the easier it is to fall into the trap of viewing each interaction as worth little. In my opinion, that trap is easier to avoid than the trap that comes when you place too much value on any given interaction with a woman.

If you barely talk to women at all, and happen to meet one you like, your lack of dating life will manifest in your nervousness around her, your neediness, and your eagerness to please. These all kill attraction quickly.

It’s okay to talk to a lot of people in order to gain more social experience. If you fall into the trap of viewing women only as “practice,” then you need to get re-focused on how you can go out and make someone’s day - not take something from them.

Isn’t it hard to practice dating when you can’t get a date in the first place?

Well, everyone has to start somewhere. If you can’t get a date, maybe you just need to practice talking more, or making more eye contact in social situations. Build up from there. If you have trouble approaching women you haven’t met, maybe you can start without putting pressure on yourself - start by asking them the time or for directions.

Don’t place too much pressure on yourself; you don’t have to be an instant success. Just remember that results build over time - six months down the line, you might be shocked at how difficult it seemed to get a date at the time.

And finally: how to practice dating

Practicing your social skills is different for each person - it all depends on where you’re starting from. But with dedication and self-awareness, you can push through the learning curve and make serious improvements to your life. Here are a few tips for doing just that:

• Write down a goal. What do you want? A new date every week? A girlfriend who supports you? Write that goal down and paste it somewhere you can see it every day.
• Decide what you need to work on. Write down a list of just a few things you need to work on - being more outgoing, making eye contact, wearing better clothes, etc. Don’t make it a huge list; just small, realistic goals you can begin working on today.
• Leave the apartment or house and practice. Do you need better eye contact? Try to make eye contact with people. Are you afraid of approaching strangers? Say “hi” to a few people and ask them how their day’s going. Leave your comfort zone - you should feel challenged but not overwhelmed.
• Write out your results and what you learned - followed by what you can learn tomorrow. This can take place in the form of a “diary” where you write a few paragraphs about what happened. You’d be amazed at how much this will help you see things that you didn’t see while you were out. Don’t skip this step.
• Repeat four times per week. Go through this ritual four times a week - see what you wrote last time, work on your particular points, and then record your results and needed improvements in your diary. Stick with it.

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