How to “Turn On” The Charm

For all of the advice you’ve dug up on dating over the years - including articles at this very site - everything you “know” about women seems to go out the window when you actually see one in front of you, doesn’t it? An attractive woman can sometimes shake a guy out of his “reality” for a second. When it comes to crunch time - when it’s really time to put one foot in front of the other and approach a woman - how do you “turn on” the charm?

It can be easier than you think.

Lower Your Standards

Huh? Lower your standards? Aren’t standards the reason you’re trying to find a great woman to date? Don’t standards help you live a life by a code that helps you establish order in the chaos?

Yes. What I’m saying is that if you’re too stifled or nervous to talk to a girl, you need to lower your standards in terms of what you’ll allow yourself to do.

In other words, when it comes to “crunch time” and you need to suddenly be charming, you’ll only be stifled if you try to be charming. You’re viewing things through a filter: whatever I say, it’s gotta be good. The result? You might not say much at all, and when you do, it might sound weak or nervous.

When a woman sees that you’re trying too hard to manipulate your own behavior around her, she assumes you’re not very good with women and doesn’t feel gut-level attraction for you.

Have you ever noticed that you feel more charming when you simply allow yourself to relax and say what comes to mind, even if what you’re saying isn’t that great? That’s why you want to lower your standards in terms of what you allow yourself to say. Say anything!

Remember, it’s not necessarily about what you’re saying, but about what you’re doing, and what that says about you. If you don’t feel that you need to talk about terribly interesting things around an attractive woman, the woman you’re interacting with will feel like you’re not putting her up on a pedestal. That’s a good thing and can be very refreshing for her.

Relax

With five fresh Hottie Matchup articles in your head, it can be difficult to process all of the information as you’re talking to a woman.

That’s why you don’t want to be processing it.

Even if you feel nervous energy around a woman, don’t be afraid to relax when you talk to her. When you’re too tense, you’ll probably sabotage your own chances to get a date with her. Don’t assume you need a million pickup lines or tactics to get the girl - assume you need to be relaxed and yourself.

This is a much healthier self-assessment that makes the assumption that being myself is good enough to get a date with this girl.

Be More Interested in Charming Yourself

When a man is trying too hard to win a woman’s affection, she can feel it. She can read it in his body language and his voice, and even if he’s confident, she doesn’t quite feel “right” with him.

On the other hand, when you’re too busy charming yourself to be needy or interested in her reaction, you find a way of interacting with women that is enjoyable for both of you.

What do I mean by “charming yourself?” It means catering to your own emotions first. In a social situation, what do you need to feel good? It probably doesn’t mean being stifled, sitting in the corner, and hoping that you’ll get the guts to approach her.

If you want to turn on the charm, you’re going to have to make yourself feel good first. This means you aren’t looking for a reaction from her. Instead, you realize that emotions are contagious, and the better you feel, the better those around you will feel. Check out this article on Hottie Matchup for a more detailed explanation.

When you approach a woman from this mindset, she sees in your eyes that you assume value in yourself because you believe in making yourself happy and even cracking yourself up. She’ll want to join in your miniature party, but remember, the key is not that you want the woman to react a certain way. Leave her reactions to her. In a social situation, simply try to make yourself happy by cracking some jokes, playing around, or even messing around a little bit.