Quick Tips That Will Help You Understand Women

The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ”What does a woman want?”

-Sigmund Freud

The common joke here is that men simply don’t understand women.  Maybe that’s a perception that’s generally true.  But we also forget that a lot of women don’t understand men, either, or even try to.

Why is this?  Why do two genders that clearly have the plumbing to go together seem to have such different wiring?

The truth is, men and women share the same species, but a lot of the similarities end there.  Here are some quick tips and insights that will at least get you started in understanding women.

Know your hormones.

If men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, then testosterone is what they eat on Mars, and estrogen on Venus.  These two hormones play immense roles in shaping our physical growth, maturity, and behaviors.

Testosterone can be considered your brain’s natural steroids, and it’s largely responsible for the way men look and act.  It’s responsible for a lot of aggressiveness, which is why we like football, hunting, and chasing tail.  It’s present in women, too, but it doesn’t have quite the same role as it does in men.

Estrogen is the female counterpart of testosterone, and is similar in a lot of ways, except that it helps make women women - it is the “female sex” hormone.

Both of these hormones are responsible for the growth of male and female characteristics, as well as our sexual maturity.  In women, estrogen starts flowing like crazy during puberty, hence your natural inclination to wince when you hear the phrase “teenage” girls.  Through an adult woman’s life, however, estrogen levels will rise and fall during her menstrual cycle, paving the way for other hormones to take over in an effort to confuse and frighten a woman’s male counterpart (actually, that’s not true, but it seems like it.)

What does this all mean?  That the way we act and behave is heavily influenced by circumstances out of our natural control.  It means don’t judge someone because they act too “girly” or “manly.”  In fact, knowing hormones, you might even learn to appreciate it.

Know the phases of the moon.

Men usually just have to be aware of testosterone, but the menstrual cycle in women creates alternating levels of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone throughout the month.  Hey, dudes:  if you had this many hormones swimming around all the time, you’d be moody, too.

The cycle lasts about 28 days, which is why so many ancient societies thought there was a link between the phases of the moon and female behavior.   Starting at menstruation, the entire cycle includes about four phases:

• Menstruation - the icky bleeding part, the time in which a woman will say she “has her period.”  Usually lasts around five days or so.  Women are typically irritable during this phase, so watch out and don’t be confrontational, fellas.
• Follicular phase - estrogen levels will start to rise on the path to ovulation.  With estrogen (the female counterpart to testosterone, remember) comes a woman’s woman, and essentially helps her recover mentally from menstruation.
• Ovulation - In the days leading up to ovulation, a woman will usually experienced heightened sexual desire, and during this phase her face actually might get prettier.  No joke.
• Luteal or secretory phase - Progesterone makes an appearance, possibly reversing some of the earlier behavior effect of estrogen.  Possible moodiness.  Progesterone drops and the cycle begins again.

Know the Nesting Instinct

We’ve been very scientific up to this point, but now it’s time to gain an emotional window into the mind of women.  We know that hormones will fluctuate during her menstrual cycle, but what about her deeper, baser insincts?

Studies show that, even across cultures, women place less emphasis on the visual than do men.  If you’re a hot guy, that’s not such a bad thing, except it simply isn’t as important for women as it is for men.  In fact, what women may call a “hot guy” may actually be different than how men would interpret it.

Throughout their lives, women have a strong nesting instinct that men simply don’t understand.  In fact, women are more likely to get enjoyment from their environment then men.  Stereotypes like shopping, designing, decorating, and cleaning actually do reflect a bit of reality:  women are simply wired to build up a protective nest.

Hence the desire for “commitment” and a “relationship.”  Men don’t understand why it might be so important, but for women, social status and having a nestegg built up are of vital importance.

Women don’t have to be so confusing - it’s just that men and women often want different things.  It doesn’t mean we can’t live together, and it doesn’t mean we have to fight.  For you guys out there who want to understand women, don’t take the attitude that it’s impossible, and try to relate better to women with this new knowledge.