The Truth About Dating and Attracting Women

If you’re a guy or gal who’s been struggling with dating, and none of the tips, techniques, or strategies have seemed to work out so far - in fact, the harder you try, the worse you seem to do - then this article is for you. It’s time to reveal the truth about dating.

It’s often better to be relaxed and have no game plan than nervous and with one.

If you’re taking a woman out on a first date, you might know exactly what you want to do, including how you want to flirt, what different areas of your life you want to talk about, and where you might take her after dinner. Even though it’s good to have intent and goals behind your interactions, this won’t help you if you’re too nervous for your own good.

This is especially true when you’re making a first impression. You might logically understand how to be a charming flirt, but if your knees buckle when it comes down to crunch time then it will seem like you can’t say anything right.

If, on the other hand, you’re relaxed throughout an entire interaction with a woman, you’ll do much better. Think about it: what does being relaxed around women say about you? It says that you’re used to the presence of women. If you’re relaxed and not nervous, then you clearly don’t assign too much value to the interaction with this woman, which means you’re being “normal” and not putting her on a pedestal.

There’s something interesting that happens, too: if you’re relaxed and normal, the more attractive the woman you’re talking to, the better being “normal” will work. Why? Women who are used to being hit on, stared at, and gawked after are much more likely to feel that your relaxed, normal presence is refreshing. And she’ll also see that you don’t think being around an attractive woman is a big deal, which says that you must have some women in your life.

The Truth About Attraction

The truth about attraction is that it’s easier than you think. Most guys are so wound up in their notions of female attraction that they trip over their own obstacles: they try too hard to manipulate, exaggerate, and force their way into a woman’s liking.

Being relaxed and normal is far more effective.

If you think about the woman’s perspective, you’ll better understand why. Remember that a woman will watch your behavior around her and often make the unconscious assumption that your behavior is how you consistently act around all of the women in your life. If you’re trying too hard to appear confident and smooth, that says a few things about you.  What does it say?

• It says that you don’t view yourself as confident and smooth, because you’re “trying” to be something you must assume you’re not.
• It says that you, in fact, view yourself as having a lower status than the woman because you’re trying to force your status up to her level.

Going off of first impressions, the woman is forced to assume that you’re not that desireable as a mate.  But what if you’re relaxing and being yourself?

• It says that you’re not intimidated by her beauty, suggesting that you might know a few other beautiful women and might even be dating one.
• It says that you view yourself on an equal playing field as the woman and don’t have to manipulate your own behavior to “level up” to her status.

This is far more attractive.

Does that mean being relaxed and natural is easier?  Not always.  Sometimes you can’t help but be nervous around a woman.  On the other hand, it is far simpler.

Tripping Up on your Own Obstacles

Attraction happens quickly - once a girl decides that she likes you, it’s essentially up to you to mess it up.  And this is where most guys mess up.

After attracting a woman’s interest, many guys don’t necessarily pick this interest up on their radar, even if the woman is inwardly very attracted to the guy.  The mistake then comes when a guy continues to try to attract a woman who’s already interested.

After a while, there’s a lot of diminishing returns when it comes to female attraction.  If you approached a woman, cracked a few jokes, and feel comfortable around her, that’s often enough to generate attraction.  But if you keep trying to manipulate her into liking you, she’ll realize that you aren’t that good with women, and her attraction levels will drop.  She might not even consciously know why her attraction levels are dropping; it just “happens.”

That’s why you want to keep things simple after that.  The man is expected to lead; so lead.  Don’t worry about impressing her anymore.  If you want to ask her out, don’t make up a big excuse, just ask her out.

The problems with attraction often arise in the guy’s own head rather than the girl’s true feelings.

You don’t have to be particularly good-looking, rich, fit, or have expensive hobbies in order to attract a woman.  All you have to do is demonstrate to her through being natural, relaxed, and “normal,” is that you are someone confident in your own value.