Top Ten Ways to Approach a Woman

Approaching women should be more like an art than a science. You should be worried more about authentic self-expression than a color-by-numbers approach built around “pickup lines.”

For men, approaching women can be a daunting, thrilling, and extremely rewarding experience. For many, it’s a challenge just to approach at all, let alone do it well.

But how do you do it right? Here are the top ten ways to approach a woman.

1. The rock star approach.

The rock star approach is about being a guy who is the hero of his own story, the life of the party who isn’t afraid to mess up and say exactly what’s on his mind.  For visual reference, look at this picture of Colin Farrell with Britney Spears.

Like you can see, the primary goal of the rock star is his own fun - and a woman is just a supporting character in the story of his night.  It sounds counter-intuitive, but this can be an amazing way to approach women.

The rock star approach means walking up and having no plans of what to do or to say except to dominate the conversation for your own amusement.  If you like the girl in a sexual way, you’re not afraid to be sexual - even early on.

There is nothing in the above picture that suggests anything creepy, stifled, or hesitant, is there?  That’s the rock star - holding nothing back, dominating the conversation, and not being afraid to touch a girl he just met.  You are dangerous and you don’t care who knows it.

If you’re new to approaching women, you might want to work your way onto this one, but once you do, you’ll be amazed at how fun meeting women can be.  And how much they can start to like you in a real quick way.

Example line:  “Heyyyyy!!!!!” Anything that pops in your head will do.

2. The direct approach.

The rock star approach is direct and upfront, but the genius of it is that none of this directness is verbalized into language, as if to say “I like you.”  The direct approach, however, works on the same go-for-it wavelength, only this time, putting it out there with words.

Try it.  “Hi, my name is _____.  You’re really cute and I just had to come up and meet you.”

If you deliver this with confidence and are relaxed, you will make a girl’s day.

This is better suited for a daytime approach when the environment is more low-key.  You don’t very well want to go around grabbing women like Colin Farrell at the supermarket, do you?

The key to this approach?  Stay cool no matter what she says in response to your verbalized overtures.  By putting it out there, and remaining cool about it, she’ll see you’re a guy in command of your own love life - and your own emotions.

Example line:  “Hi, my name is ____, and you’re really cute so I had to come meet you.”

3. The Spartan warrior approach.

Also called the “caveman” approach, this approach is all about physical domination that connects with women on a primal level.  Obviously, like the rock star approach, this is difficult to pull off, especially if you haven’t developed the inner confidence to handle the potential obstacles.

A good, though subtle, example of this, is present in the movie Iron Man, when Robert Downey Jr. asks Gwyneth Paltrow to dance.  She hesitates, but instead of waiting for her to answer, Robert Downey Jr. takes her by the hand and leads her to the dance floor anyway.

Again, it’s about living calmly in your own reality and being ready for the potential social pressure that comes from being so bold.  Not for the faint of heart.

Example line:  None.

4. The spontaneous approach.

Guys who prefer a much less “intrusive” approach, or a more laid-back approach, like to open things up by being spontaneous.  This is also well-suited for an approach at the gym or the supermarket instead of the bar or club.

You make a remark about something in the environment.  If you’re in college, you might approach a girl after class by talking about the homework you were just assigned.  It’s casual, it’s discreet, and it’s less likely to land you in rejection land.

The only problem?  By not breaking out of your comfort zone, it will be easy for her to put you in the “friend” zone.  The guys who risk rejection also get the rewards of confidence.

Approaches 1-3 were about being sexual beings and not being afraid to express yourself that way.  Approach 4 is very effective, but you have to keep a little bit of attitude or dominance to steer a conversation the way you want it to go.

Example line:  “Ready for the test this Friday?”

5. The under-the-radar approach.

Also known as the “indirect” approach, you could just as easily approach a woman by asking her a completely innocent question.  This will at least open things up to a potentially interesting conversation, even if it’s not the most intrepid choice.

What are some examples of an under-the-radar approach?  Easy.  Go out and ask five women what they think you should do with your hair.  You might surprise yourself with a couple of really fun, positive interactions.

Under-the-radar is a good way to work up your tolerance to approaching women.

Example line:  “Hey, I’m thinking of getting a haircut.  What should I do with it?”

6.  The wacky approach.

It’s okay to be off-beat.  In fact, it can even be refreshing.  One dating expert reported that he used the same pickup “line” for three months straight - asking women where he could find some good cotton candy.  He got so used to the typical responses that he was finally able to build some really fun interactions after such an absurd introduction. It’s not so much about the words, anyway.

It’s okay to be wacky.  It’s okay to challenge women.  The trick is, don’t believe in the wackiness doing the work for you - you have to bring the energy to your approach.

Example line:  “Hey, do you know where I can find some cotton candy around here?”

7.  The social introduction.

Getting introduced to a woman - especially by another woman - is easy and effective.  Women often look to other women’s approval to see how they should feel about a guy, and they also feel more comfortable with you if they feel like you’re in their extended social circle.

The problem?  None.  This works.  In fact, it works so well, that a common mistake guys make after being introduced to a woman is to think they have to “act” a certain way to attract her.  Don’t worry, guys - she’s probably already into you.

What it doesn’t do is prepare you for seeing that woman you don’t know on the street - that potential woman of your dreams.  But that shouldn’t stop you from finding women through your social circle if you can.

Example line:  Uh…”nice to meet you.”  Seriously, this is an easy one.

8.  Running the room.

If you’re entering a bar, or any other type of large social gathering, a good way to approach specific women is to simply approach everybody - as soon as you enter the room.  Why?  This not only puts you in a social mood, but other people who see you talking to everybody assume you know everybody.

It will also shake the rust off if you’re a little shy about approaching women.  Even approaching people you’re not interested in - talking to guys, talking to servers - will help “warm you up” so when you see the woman you really like, you’ll be ready to roll.

Example:  “Hey, how are you?  /  Having a good time?”  Upbeat, friendly, and warming up.

9.  The body language approach.

This is a “warm” approach in which the woman already notices you, and apparently even likes you.  If you catch a woman’s gaze, look back, hold it, and smile.  If she smiles back, approach.  Simple as that.

There are a lot of undertones to this one, so it can be a difficult one to master.  But once you’re comfortable approaching women under your own volition, you’ll have the confidence to inspire a few female stares here and there.  Keep your radar open.

Again, at this point, you’re not going to want to try too hard to attract her:  the attraction is already there.  Instead, no matter what you say, be relaxed and normal.

Example line:  “Hi.  I’m ____.”

10.  The online approach.

If you’re meeting women online, you won’t have to worry about an approach once you set a meeting date.  This can work very well for you - if a woman’s willing to meet you in person in the first place, you’re doing something right.

The online approach means quick esclation in the interaction, from online, to the phone, to real-life.  You have to be willing to take the lead.  But once you do, you’ll find that meeting women after an online introduction can be fun and easy.

Example line:  “Are you free Thursday night for coffee/dinner?”