http://www.hottiematchup.com/forums/dating-love-advice/five-tips-for-an-improved-vibe Simple:Press Forum Version 4.0.1 http://www.hottiematchup.com/forums/dating-love-advice/five-tips-for-an-improved-vibe/#p58 Dating & Love Advice http://www.hottiematchup.com/forums/dating-love-advice/five-tips-for-an-improved-vibe/#p58 1.  Find out where you stand. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so you're going to want to know where you are (point A) if you're ever going to get to where you want to go (point B).  It's time to assess yourself honestly and be willing to hear some unpleasant things. Try going on Facebook and digging up a few acquaintances - people who know you on a more superficial level - and tell them the following:  you're looking to try to improve the vibe you give off and you were wondering if they could give you an honest assessment about your vibe. Why just acquaintances?  Wouldn't friends be more trustworthy?  Well, your friends know your character much better - but the vibe you give off is usually fairly discernible after a day or two of knowing you. 2.  Figure out what's causing the vibe you don't want. If you got some unflattering answers, then it's time to go about changing the vibe.  I remember being told that I put off a vibe that made it uncomfortable for people to be anything other than polite.  Sounds good, right?  Not always - sometimes you want people to simply be themselves.  So ask yourself what your objectives are and what kind of vibe you do want. Sometimes, just thinking about that kind of vibe can be a step in the right direction.  But also ask yourself why you were putting off the original (undesirable) vibe in the first place.  Is it the way you carry yourself?  Is it the way you behaved with that person? Don't take the opinions of your acquaintances as hard fact.  But do take it into consideration as feedback. 3.  Explore the "forbidden zone," not the comfort zone. Now that you know where you want to go, you're going to have to change your attitude a bit in order to change your basic vibe.  This might mean going some places you've never gone before, to steal a phrase from "Star Trek." Do you think you give off a "needy" vibe?  It's time to do some uncomfortable things that go in the opposite direction.  Stop calling that one girl.  Busy yourself with something else.  It might feel a bit strange or difficult at first, but that's ok - it's always a little challenging to take on a change.  Find out where your comfort zone has been, and then break out of it.  Your comfort zone has a huge impact on your vibe. 4.  Set new standards for yourself. If you want other people to view you a certain way, you've got to view yourself that way first.  That means setting new standards for yourself. If you want to have the vibe of a confident man, you're actually going to have to - gasp! - act more confidently.  This means, as mentioned in tip #3, that you'll want to be doing some things you didn't do before.  This means approaching that girl you would have talked yourself out of approaching.  If you want to adopt a more relaxed vibe, you'll have to start relaxing more.  Easy to say, difficult to do. 5.  Dress the part. Finally, to fill in the holes on your new vibe, simply decide you've taken on a new identity and start dressing for the part - even before you feel comfortable doing it.  If this means changing the kinds of clothes you wear, getting a new haircut, or even changing your living space, do it.  It will all help you to shape your own identity for yourself. Does this mean you're pretending to be something you're not?  Of course it does.  But just at first.  Over time, you'll find yourself adapting to a new identity.  You'll feel more confident because of all the evidence around you that says you live the life of a confident man.  Force your own brain to adapt to the changes; don't wait for the changes to occur. Be realistic, however, and make sure that the vibe you're chasing is really worthwhile and positive.  It's difficult to say "I'm going to be less shy."  It's better to say "I'm confident now."  And make sure your vibe is sustainable, friendly, and still provides value to people when you hang out with them. ]]> Thu, 07 May 2009 14:15:16 -0500