Hottie Matchup - Forum: Dating & Love Advice

glennmore on Getting woman attention

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:38:40 -0500

I'm interested in a girl at work that is not really interested in me. Well she doesn't seem to be interested I tried talking to her and asking questions but all she gives me is short sharp answers and doesn't seem that interested. Does any one have any tips or know of any guides on getting him to notice me?I'd really like a guide or something like that where i can try out a few things and have a bit of fun while testing the ideas.

Admin on Have Some Dating Doubts? Then Start Small

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:07:25 -0500

It’s not hard to peruse the internet these days and come across a myriad of dating advice. A simple click of the Google search button or the clicking of an advertisement can send you into a whirlwind of dating advice and knowledge. Sometimes, all of this knowledge can be a bit too much.

Have you ever tried to improve your dating life, but found that when you went out your door and into the real world, it’s actually incredibly nerve-racking and even downright intimidating? Don’t worry; it’s time to take the pressure off. It’s time to start small.

How to Work Your Way into a Good Outing

It’s more important to be out there taking action than it is to stay cooped up inside and reading dating tips (except this article, of course!). If you’ve read a lot of dating advice, going out and trying to meet new people comes with a lot of pressure. What if they reject you? What if you come across as weird or creepy? What if you get embarrassed?

To beat these jitters, start by forgetting your long-term goals and simply focus on tonight. Tonight, you’re going to start small.

If you’ve never been a very active dater before, chances are that you’re going to feel shy. You can’t exactly go from zero to hero overnight. That’s why for this next outing, you’ll need to start small.

Just focus on approaching one to three new groups of strangers. Don’t worry about how they react to you; just saying “Hello” is enough to consider this outing a success. You might be surprised at how approaching just a few people can turn your night upside-down, get you out of your shell, and actually get you to have a good time.

One quick note: to prevent lingering at the bar or standing in the corner, try to approach someone right away once you enter. Something as simple as “do you have the time?” is enough.

You wouldn’t expect to grow muscles overnight. So why should you expect to grow social muscles overnight? Just work on getting your reps in, and the muscles will come.

Set Short-Term Goals

Once you’ve mastered the art of getting out there and actually meeting new people, you should feel ready to start working on your social skills. Don’t assume you have to make out with every new girl you meet, or that you have to become some Playboy overnight. Instead, progressively work on your social skills by setting small, short-term goals.

For example, if eye contact has always been a problem for you, start focusing on keeping eye contact with people for a week or so, until you no longer feel uncomfortable doing it. From there, work your way up – if you’ve never felt comfortable giving people compliments, resolve yourself to giving a stranger a compliment every day.

You can even start smaller if you want. If you don’t want to meet new people right away, at least get yourself out of the house. The important thing is taking action that can build up real momentum in your life, and not lagging while trying to find the latest advice that can solve everything for you.

You will solve your problems. Not the advice. So take that first step, and keep walking.

Dan on How to "Practice" Dating

Fri, 22 May 2009 01:35:32 -0500

You've heard a lot of advice on this Web site that talks about getting practice under your belt. But how exactly does someone "practice" some like that? Aren't there too many variables? Shouldn't you view the woman as more than "practice"? And isn't it hard to practice dating when you can't get a date in the first place? All very good questions - and ones we'll want to wrestle with. That's why this article will have the answers. Aren't there too many variables? Sure, but like anything, you'll find that dating has several principles that you can practice over and over - the "fundamentals," if you will. There are plenty of variables in how a single game of basketball is played, yet preparing with fundamentals like shooting, defense, and dribbling will help you immeasurably. What are some of these "dating" fundamentals? I can think of a few off the top of my head: confidence, positivity, healthy self-esteem. Having these fundamentals well-prepared for will help you on each date - even if you see something new every time. Shouldn't you view women as more than "practice?" Of course. The more women you approach, the easier it is to fall into the trap of viewing each interaction as worth little. In my opinion, that trap is easier to avoid than the trap that comes when you place too much value on any given interaction with a woman. If you barely talk to women at all, and happen to meet one you like, your lack of dating life will manifest in your nervousness around her, your neediness, and your eagerness to please. These all kill attraction quickly. It's okay to talk to a lot of people in order to gain more social experience. If you fall into the trap of viewing women only as "practice," then you need to get re-focused on how you can go out and make someone's day - not take something from them. Isn't it hard to practice dating when you can't get a date in the first place? Well, everyone has to start somewhere. If you can't get a date, maybe you just need to practice talking more, or making more eye contact in social situations. Build up from there. If you have trouble approaching women you haven't met, maybe you can start without putting pressure on yourself - start by asking them the time or for directions. Don't place too much pressure on yourself; you don't have to be an instant success. Just remember that results build over time - six months down the line, you might be shocked at how difficult it seemed to get a date at the time. And finally: how to practice dating Practicing your social skills is different for each person - it all depends on where you're starting from. But with dedication and self-awareness, you can push through the learning curve and make serious improvements to your life. Here are a few tips for doing just that:

Write down a goal. What do you want? A new date every week? A girlfriend who supports you? Write that goal down and paste it somewhere you can see it every day.
Decide what you need to work on. Write down a list of just a few things you need to work on - being more outgoing, making eye contact, wearing better clothes, etc. Don't make it a huge list; just small, realistic goals you can begin working on today.
Leave the apartment or house and practice. Do you need better eye contact? Try to make eye contact with people. Are you afraid of approaching strangers? Say "hi" to a few people and ask them how their day's going. Leave your comfort zone - you should feel challenged but not overwhelmed.
Write out your results and what you learned - followed by what you can learn tomorrow. This can take place in the form of a "diary" where you write a few paragraphs about what happened. You'd be amazed at how much this will help you see things that you didn't see while you were out. Don't skip this step.
Repeat four times per week. Go through this ritual four times a week - see what you wrote last time, work on your particular points, and then record your results and needed improvements in your diary. Stick with it.

Dan on Five Tips for An Improved Vibe

Thu, 07 May 2009 14:15:16 -0500

You've heard of it before: the always-important "vibe." The kind of energy you're sending out. The unconscious message your body language tells. It's such a hard thing to define and understand, but it means so much for how we come across to the opposite sex. So how exactly can you understand your vibe and then go about changing it for the better? Here are some tips for doing just that. 1. Find out where you stand. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so you're going to want to know where you are (point A) if you're ever going to get to where you want to go (point B). It's time to assess yourself honestly and be willing to hear some unpleasant things. Try going on Facebook and digging up a few acquaintances - people who know you on a more superficial level - and tell them the following: you're looking to try to improve the vibe you give off and you were wondering if they could give you an honest assessment about your vibe. Why just acquaintances? Wouldn't friends be more trustworthy? Well, your friends know your character much better - but the vibe you give off is usually fairly discernible after a day or two of knowing you. 2. Figure out what's causing the vibe you don't want. If you got some unflattering answers, then it's time to go about changing the vibe. I remember being told that I put off a vibe that made it uncomfortable for people to be anything other than polite. Sounds good, right? Not always - sometimes you want people to simply be themselves. So ask yourself what your objectives are and what kind of vibe you do want. Sometimes, just thinking about that kind of vibe can be a step in the right direction. But also ask yourself why you were putting off the original (undesirable) vibe in the first place. Is it the way you carry yourself? Is it the way you behaved with that person? Don't take the opinions of your acquaintances as hard fact. But do take it into consideration as feedback. 3. Explore the "forbidden zone," not the comfort zone. Now that you know where you want to go, you're going to have to change your attitude a bit in order to change your basic vibe. This might mean going some places you've never gone before, to steal a phrase from "Star Trek." Do you think you give off a "needy" vibe? It's time to do some uncomfortable things that go in the opposite direction. Stop calling that one girl. Busy yourself with something else. It might feel a bit strange or difficult at first, but that's ok - it's always a little challenging to take on a change. Find out where your comfort zone has been, and then break out of it. Your comfort zone has a huge impact on your vibe. 4. Set new standards for yourself. If you want other people to view you a certain way, you've got to view yourself that way first. That means setting new standards for yourself. If you want to have the vibe of a confident man, you're actually going to have to - gasp! - act more confidently. This means, as mentioned in tip #3, that you'll want to be doing some things you didn't do before. This means approaching that girl you would have talked yourself out of approaching. If you want to adopt a more relaxed vibe, you'll have to start relaxing more. Easy to say, difficult to do. 5. Dress the part. Finally, to fill in the holes on your new vibe, simply decide you've taken on a new identity and start dressing for the part - even before you feel comfortable doing it. If this means changing the kinds of clothes you wear, getting a new haircut, or even changing your living space, do it. It will all help you to shape your own identity for yourself. Does this mean you're pretending to be something you're not? Of course it does. But just at first. Over time, you'll find yourself adapting to a new identity. You'll feel more confident because of all the evidence around you that says you live the life of a confident man. Force your own brain to adapt to the changes; don't wait for the changes to occur. Be realistic, however, and make sure that the vibe you're chasing is really worthwhile and positive. It's difficult to say "I'm going to be less shy." It's better to say "I'm confident now." And make sure your vibe is sustainable, friendly, and still provides value to people when you hang out with them.

Dan on Which Online Dating Site is For You?

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:50:56 -0500

There's a plethora of online dating sites out there - all you have to do is surf MySpace or some similar site for a few seconds to realize that lots of companies are trying to get you to open your credit cards. But what's the right one? Is there a "best" one? Let's take a deeper look into some online dating sites and see what they're all about. Match.com Match.com is perhaps the strongest dating site out there. There's a subscription to pay, but Match.com has plenty of members, well-developed profiles and lots of people with pictures. If you plan on paying for your online dating site, there's a good chance you'll want to go with Match.com. Match.com is also all about search features, and makes it relatively simple to scan their database for people near you who meet your criteria. This helps you to find people you might not have otherwise found if you had simply hit the traditional dating scene. PlentyOfFish.com The infamous free online dating site, Plentyoffish's tagline tells you to put the credit card away. And with plenty of people registered at Plentyoffish, this is probably your best option for a free online dating site. Its disadvantages? It's a little too easy to set up a profile, which means not everyone might be as seriously looking for love as you are. Plentyoffish is, however, great for developing your online dating skills, tweaking your profile, and testing to see which pictures get you the best response. You can bring that knowledge with you to a pay site like Match.com later. eHarmony.com Not having a lot of experience with eHarmony myself, I can tell you that its high amount of scrutiny can get annoying - eHarmony prides itself on being all about compatibility but this can make things a little cumbersome. But hey, if you're looking for someone to do more of the work for you, maybe that's your thing. eHarmony is another pay site, so make sure you know that this is what you want before you go on eHarmony and set up your profile. The key here is, don't be afraid to test out these sites and drop the ones that don't really work for you. The more success you find with one site, the more you can focus on that site. The investment isn't all that much - several to a dozen dollars a month can easily overhaul your dating life if you're looking to really put effort into generating a solid online profile and attract members of the opposite sex. Now you know some sites that you can use - are you going to find that special someone or keep on waiting for luck to strike you?

Dan on Do Women Want You to Be the "Bad Boy"?

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 12:57:54 -0500

It's a common frustration for the smart, kindly men of the world: try though as they might, they don't seem to elicit the same response from women as a lot of the guys who actually seem dumber or even act like jerks. The "hot girl complaining about her jerk boyfriend to her nonthreatening male friend" stereotype really does seem to happen a lot. So is that the answer to getting women? Becoming a jerk, a bad boy, a rebel? Not necessarily. Let's take a look at exactly what's driving female attraction. Women Respond Powerfully to Behavioral Cues Deep down, a lot of us know that it's our behavior that has the most powerful impact in attracting women, not necessarily how we look. Many times, men make the mistake of assuming that attraction works for women the same way it works for men. It doesn't. But what exactly are women to attracted to? It's one thing to say "behavioral cues," but what types of behaviors really attract them? They're behaviors that reveal your high status. Status is about perception, so essentially your behaviors should reveal that you really believe you're a high status guy. For many guys, they don't actually believe this, so it's hard to try to "act like it's true." But with some practice and some work on your beliefs, you can start to take on the qualities of a high status guy. You'd be surprised how many behaviors reveal your low status. Behaviors like a stilted/quiet voice, fidgeting, or remaining quiet tell the world how you expect to be treated. An Example of Behavioral Cues that Women are Attracted To If you'd like to see what it looks like, watch the video in the article How to Have Fun and Excite Women at the Same Time. No joke. That video of English rock star Robbie Williams feeling no social filter and amusing himself doesn't only crack up all of the women around him, it elicits plenty of responses from female commenters on its YouTube page. In the video, Robbie Williams is being interviewed by a female reporter but decides to give her a hard time, eventually staring her down and leaning in to kiss her. It could have come across as creepy or weird, but Robbie doesn't seem concerned with that, so it actually comes across as playful and funny. Look at these comments it's getting from women:

Lol if he would do that to me.... jeez I would be stress out as well but at least i would kiss him - f*** the television, camera man and other people heheh Robbie is damn sexxy why doesnt she kiss him? she was dazzled.. lucky b****!))who the hell can resist this?is she a lesbian?screw the fact that you r on television,it's Roooobbie...maaan.best guy on earth

Some would say that Robbie Williams acted like a "jerk" in that video. He clearly made the reporter uncomfortable, as transfixed as she might have been. Is this really how to behave around women? In actuality, whether or not you are a "jerk" is irrelevant. It's more of a matter of amusing yourself and not letting her potential opinion of you govern your behavior. You say what you want because you want to say it. You do what you want because you want to do it. If a woman can see that you don't have a huge "filter" up, she knows that you're not too concerned with how other people perceive you. When she sees this in your behavior, she knows that you view yourself as high status in that situation, and she becomes attracted. Whether or not you were a jerk is immaterial. Women don't necessarily want a bad boy. But they do want a man who's confident enough to put his personality out there.

Dan on The Power of Ignorance: Three Things to Ignore to Help You Attract Women

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 11:37:24 -0500

Ignorance isn't a good thing - far from it. But when you're trying to become a better, more social person, it doesn't hurt to know when you are free to "ignore" certain aspects of courtship and our society in order to do better with the ladies. Today's dating article isn't about becoming ignorant, but rather having an empowering attitude that cuts out clutter that was unnecessary anyway. Ignore other peoples' opinions. If you don't travel much, and you want to meet and approach women, you'll inevitably have a certain fear: if you approach a girl and it doesn't go well, you'll be known as that "weird" or "creepy" guy. You have to ignore the instinct to indulge these sort of thoughts. I remember being called creepy by a group of girls who thoughtlessly shrugged off the kind of courage it required simply to approach them. It basically ruined my night, and I thought I'd never overcome the fear of approaching women in my home turf because people might start recognizing me as the "creepy guy." From one man to another: you have to accept that some people won't think you're great and charming. You have to accept that some people might think you're weird and creepy. As long as your social behavior is relatively normal and you know you're not weird or creepy, that has to be enough. You won't get far if you can't even approach women. Ignore that voice in your head that says "no - you have a reputation to protect!" Life is too short. Ignore questions that don't serve the interaction. Cool guys interrupt people, neglect to answer questions, and generally behave how they like. Why? Because they know they're of high value, and they don't have to follow every little thread of conversation that a woman puts out there. It's okay to ignore a question if it's not serving the interaction - in fact, by interrupting her or even outright ignoring the question, you show that you're a confident guy who's not afraid to be a little unpredictable. Here's a good trick: the next time you hear a question that bores you, answer it with another question. If she asks you where you live and you're sick of saying "a few blocks from here," say instead "Hey - what are you doing later?" You're a guy who gets to the point and makes his own threads of conversation. Ignore the "haters." Going out and actively approaching women is more art than science, and sometimes life is a little messier than most dating articles would have you believe. Sometimes you accidentally approach a girl who's with her boyfriend, and suddenly you find yourself interacting with "haters" - guys who, out of insecurity, feel they have to put you down. Solution? Don't even try to come back with anything witty. Ignore them. If they're doing all they can to get a reaction out of you, yet you don't react, what does that say about them? You're dusting them off like a celebrity dusts off photographers.

Dan on 5 Tips to Destroy Your Insecurities

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 00:39:26 -0500

Sometimes we want to talk to women confidently and feel relaxed and natural around them, but we feel held back by our own mental attitudes and beliefs. When your insecurities harm your love life, it's up to you to get rid of them - one insecurity at a time. Let's take a look at five ways to get rid of your insecurities. 1. Get a realistic view of women. Do you think you're ugly? Do you think you're too fat to date attractive women? You have to look at reality: attractive women date so-called "fat, ugly" guys all the time. Whether you're fat/too tall/bald/short, there's probably an example of an attractive women dating one of "you" in your area. Women don't care as much about how you look as much as how you look at yourself. Do you accept yourself? Are you a positive and fun person to be around? Or do you get in your own way, preferring to wallow in self-pity - one of the least attractive traits around? 2. Accept yourself. It's important to accept yourself as you are. This doesn't mean that you resign to your insecurities, but rather that you embrace that, this is who you are and you're not going to let it get in your way. This will help you get over the fear of other people making fun of you - if someone teases you on one of your insecurities, have you accepted yourself well enough to take a joke? Can you laugh at yourself? View your flaws as "cute," the same way a beautiful women might laugh at their oddly-shapen toes. 3. Watch for places where you might be overcompensating - and then don't. Have you been buying women flowers and taking them to expensive restaurants so that they don't notice how boring you are? Do you buy big sports cars that say "don't look at my bald head?" Don't overcompensate - it only says all of the wrong things. When you overcompensate, you accept the notion that you need to "make up for something" - that you're not complete as you are. Healthy self-esteem views all people as equals, and with healthy self-esteem, you know that you're a valuable, complete person just as you are. There's no need to overcompensate. 4. Expose yourself to the fear. Sometimes, when you're afraid of something, the best policy is simply to expose yourself to that fear. Like someone with a fear of flying who eventually has to confront the real thing itself, you need to expose yourself to the fear to realize it doesn't have any legs to stand on. Have you ever been rejected by a woman outright? It doesn't feel good, does it? But it didn't ruin your life, either. Put yourself out there, and remind yourself that whatever happens, you can handle it. 5. Prove yourself wrong. So you think women won't date you because you're too short? Prove yourself wrong. Go out and try it. Ask yourself if you're using your insecurity as a crutch rather than a real excuse. Have the mentality that you're going to prove yourself wrong, even if at first you don't quite seem to be able to make any progress. It's one thing to look at other people who share you same "faults" dating beautiful women; it's another thing to prove it to yourself. Ultimately, you're responsible for your life, and you face a choice: will you accept your insecurity and take action, or will you use it as a crutch?

Dan on 5 "Pickup Lines" That Actually Might Work

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:11:35 -0500

I'm not a big fan of pickup lines. Having "lines" prepared in order to impress a woman often assumes that you're coming from a place of lower value than her, which is a killer for your chances of attracting her in the first place. That being said, there are some occasions where a pickup line can work in your favor - especially if you know what you're doing. Here they are, and here's how to use them. 1. The introduction: "Hi, I'm ___." I use this obvious, unoriginal pickup line first to illustrate that it's not about the words that you use; it's about the energy behind them. If you don't learn this first, there's no way even the most golden of pickup lines will irresistably woo women. So how do you pull off this line? Remember, it's not what you're saying but how you're saying it. When you introduce yourself to someone, do you speak loudly and project your voice? Do you have a friendly smile that expresses your comfort with social situations? When you say "Hi, I'm Jim," does the person meeting you believe that you are someone they'll be glad they've met? 2. The over-the-top: "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day!" These pickup lines are the notoriously-cheesy, the worst of the worst, and make great exercise: can you make them fun? Remember the lesson that it's not about the words you're saying. So what can you say with an overly goofy pickup line? That you're fun. That you're comfortable with hitting on her and don't care to hide it. That you have a sense of humor. This is accomplished with a sly smile - as if holding back your laughter - and good eye contact. Make it clear you're having fun, not making fun. If you're making fun of anything, it's the line itself. 3. The direct line: "You're really cute and I just wanted to meet you." Again: say these words with no self-confidence and nothing will work in your favor. Say it with believe in yourself and a genuine attraction to the girl and you might just feel some sparks fly. A line like this communicates all of the right things: that you're decisive, that you know what you want, and that you're willing to make things happen for yourself. You can use this if she's with a friend, but be sure not to ignore her friend and turn her into a third wheel. 4. The indirect line: "Did you see that fight?" The indirect line is a line that's simply meant to start an interaction with a girl, and not much more. Depending on how you say it, there's a good chance that you won't necessarily communicate a lot with this kind of line alone. Indirect lines have a number of disadvantages. It can be too easy to come across as too friendly and too conversational rather than as a potential suitor. And when a girl knows you want to "pick her up," going in with an indirect opener can sometimes start the interaction further back than it could have. 5. The easy-to-remember: "Hi." If all else fails, you can always rely on that old standard, a simple "hello" with a smile. Granted, unless you get creative you won't always do a whole lot with this "line," but sometimes just getting the courage to approach is enough of a struggle.

Dan on Dating Tips: Texting 101

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 20:22:10 -0500

In the article Successful High-Tech Communication, we talked about the role technology can play in your interactions with women. But what about texting itself - which is becoming just as popular as talking over the phone? If you know how to handle texts the right way, you can make technology work for you instead of against you. Here are some tips for accomplishing just that. Don't respond to every text message. There's no need to, especially if it costs you money. If someone sends you something negative that's only going to pick a fight, why respond to it? You don't need to come up with some clever, deflecting response that will get the girl on your side. Instead, let the bad texts roll off your back and spend more time responding to good ones. If you're going to text, do it quickly. If you meet a girl in person and get her phone number, you can text her the same night so that she gets used to having you as a "text" buddy. This is especially useful if you're meeting a lot of women and need a simple way to handle the numbers you're getting. Don't get too elaborate; just say "Hey - have a good night. -Dan" or something similar. Don't worry if she responds or not. Use texting to quickly talk to a lot of women. If you're having a slow night or are feeling board, try sending out a "mass text" in order to see what kind of fun you can generate. Text lots of the available women in your contacts list - or even the not-available ones - to see if anything fun is going on. Or if you're really feeling cheeky, have some fun with them by simply messing around with texts. Amuse yourself first. You don't have to treat text messages as serious overtures to the girl you desire. Instead, the way you text should reflect the way you approach life: you don't place too much importance on any one interaction with the girl, so you'll even be willing to "mess with her" in order to have a good time. Don't do this in a creepy way; do it with girls you've texted before (remember, you texted her the night you met her). Don't rely on texting in the wrong cases. Text messaging can be fun and can help you communicate with a lot of people at the same time, but it can't be used as a substitute for confidence. If you meet a girl online and get her phone number, call her up first. Remember, as the male, it's your duty to escalate and lead the interaction, not wuss out every time there's a step forward to take. Text only when you've already met a girl in person. Don't forget to be sexual. Even though text messages might seem like a silly way to set up an interaction with a healthy amount of sexual tension, you have to remember that you're not using your texts with these girls to make friends. Some of this is accomplished by amusing yourself first, but you also have to remember that you're not a texting clown sent in to provide laughs. Remember, you're interested in this girl, and let it show indirectly. Be confident and be willing to drop the conversation and simply text "Let's go out tomorrow night."

Dan on Dating Advice: Principles of Clean Self-Esteem

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 12:51:27 -0600

Anyone who says that the world of dating is without its bumps and bruises hasn't been out talking to the opposite sex. Although we do our best to behave well, crack funny jokes, and groom, sometimes real life is a little messier than our best plans. For many guys, the anxiety before an approach is enough to feel like they have to throw all of their knowledge and assumptions out the window. In order to navigate this world, you have got to have a certain amount of clean, healthy self-esteem. What do I mean by "clean" and "healthy"? Self-esteem that isn't build on pillars of sand, otherwise known as "ego." You don't want to derive confidence from the way you look, the cars you own, the pickup lines you know, or the job you have. You want the healthiest of confidence: that confidence which comes from within. Let's look at how to achieve this type of self-esteem. Principle #1: Treat everyone like they have equal value. You become a "natural" with women when you become a natural with everyone. The more you get used to socializing with "the old guy in the corner" as well as the dolled-up stunner, the more you'll start to realize that every person has equal value in this world. Talk to everybody, not just the people you think are worth your time. What possible benefits can this have to helping you get women? Imagine developing the habit of treating everyone like they have equal value, and then speaking to a gorgeous woman who is used to every single guy treating her like the queen of the room. The more you are used to treating everyone with respect, the less importance you'll place on any one particular girl. This, of course, is attractive to women: they don't want to be the only thing you have going in your life. When you take on the habit of treating everyone like they have equal value, you'll learn to place less emphasis on the reactions of that one girl and will become more naturally "cool" and "confident" because you're more at ease. Principle #2: Realize that you can get your emotions from within. Too many of us give the power of our emotions away to our external circumstances. We think that we need a "good night" to have a good time, or a "good first date" to feel proud of ourselves. The male brain doesn't and shouldn't work that way. Instead of drawing your emotions from your environment, you have to start creating those emotions. Try it right now. Take five minutes and look in the mirror. Smile. Jump around a bit. Dance ridiculously. Imagine things that make you happy. You'll probably start to notice a few sparks of genuine happiness arise - even though there's nothing to be "happy about." Aren't you a little annoyed that no one taught you this before? You can be happy at any time. You just have to make the decision and follow through and start acting happy. When you realize that you should get your emotions from yourself and not your circumstances, you'll feel more responsible for your emotional well-being. But you'll also feel freer because you don't let anyone one failure or rejection get to you: you know you can trust yourself not to lose heart. When you start trusting yourself, you start believing in yourself - this results in genuine self-confidence. Principle #3: Walk your own path - no one else's. There is perhaps nothing so potent in the dating world as the effect a man who knows his mission in life can have on women. In other words, chicks dig guys with lives. What this means is that you place more importance on your own life, goals, and standards than any one woman. If you approach a woman and get shot down, your core isn't shaken because you didn't place your self-worth in her reaction to you. Instead, your are your own rock, a fixed point in the universe. Place your self-esteem in your own actions and your own goals. Does this mean you have to go out and try "cool" things like becoming a great DJ? No. You can try to become a great dart player as long as you are comfortable with your goals and priorities. Have you ever noticed that the times in your life that you "got a girlfriend" were when you were least looking for one? Chances are that this happened because you placed your priorities elsewhere, and women could "smell" that feeling of abundance and self-confidence simply in the way you carried yourself.

Dan on Dating Advice: Do You Think Too Much?

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:29:40 -0600

It's not unusual for lonely guys to be really, really intelligent. They got good grades in school, they have a good job, and they can talk about theoretical physics. So why can't they get a date? Because they're really, really intelligent. See, the problem is that some guys love being intelligent so much that make their intelligence that fountain that holds up their self-esteem. There's nothing wrong with viewing yourself as intelligent, but there is a problem when this identity manifests itself as a need to intellectualize everything. So for those guys who think too much, let's see if we can shut off the mental chatter for a while and start enjoying the presence of women. Don't Destroy the Vibe Let's say you're talking to a woman of interest, and she throws out this whopper: Girl: "I can't stand Russell Crowe. I hated 'Troy.' Of course, my intellectual brothers, you know that Russell Crowe was not in Troy. He was in Gladiator and was nominated for an Academy Award and ... okay, I've got to stop even myself. Now, if you're going to overthink everything, you might feel the temptation to correct the girl. Boy: Actually, that was Brad Pitt in 'Troy.' Girl: Oh. [Awkward silence] Way to go, professor. No one's impressed with your knowledge of film, however encyclopedic it may be. When the girl threw out that "Russell Crowe" comment, she wasn't asking for a casting list. She just wanted to throw out a "vibe" and have you respond to it. For guys, it's tempting to view "words" as the way to a woman's heart. But words matter much less than you think. You may think that the language of attraction looks like a Shakespeare sonnet, but women don't speak that language. Women speak "emotion-ese." Let's try it again. Girl: "I can't stand Russell Crowe. I hated 'Troy.' Boy: Know what movie I love? I love 'Casablanca.' Sure, it's old school, but you don't know until you've seen it. In this case, you're saying what's amusing you at the moment, and she'd much rather enjoy that ride than get corrected. Fight the temptation to correct people. They don't want to be corrected, they just want to interact and have a good time. Will this get you the girl? Not by itself, no. But it will help you from tripping over yourself. Thinking Too Much Leads to Hesitation Let's explore a deeper way that over-thinking can hinder your dating life. Imagine the girl of your dreams is sitting at the other side of the bar, sipping a drink slowly, looking around nervously like she's waiting for someone. A million thoughts race through your head, and soon the rationalizations to not approach her start. "Maybe she's waiting for her boyfriend." "Maybe she's waiting for her husband." "Maybe she looks nervous because she doesn't want anyone to approach her." "I don't look like her type." Why is this "thinking too much"? Because you have no idea if any of those rationalizations are true. It's far better to go up to the girl and find out if she's single or not. Many dating coaches recommend going up to a girl the second you see her. Doing so cuts out the time you're allowed to think about it and talk yourself out of approaching her. As someone who has approached more than one stranger in his lifetime, let me tell you: it won't be as bad as you think. Sometimes, even a woman who's with a guy might have just met him. But if you waste your time trying to think your way into action, you won't find out. When it comes to meeting women, you have to be willing to miss some shots. The more you take, the more you'll make. Keep acting, acting, acting - not thinking, thinking, thinking. You'll get yourself out of the habit of over-intellectualizing and you'll cut your own nervousness short.

Dan on Five Tips for Fast, Comfortable Grooming

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:15:39 -0600

With all of the recent emphasis on dating behavior, it can be easy to forget that you shouldn't look like a schlub on your dates. Okay, maybe it shouldn't be that easy to forget, but you get the point: while you can't change your essential look in one day, you can do the best you can with what you've got. And doing the best you can with what you've got usually comes down to one thing: grooming. Have you ever looked at a woman who might not have been conventionally beautiful, but for some reason found her oddly attractive? It might have been her vibe, but it also might have been how well-groomed and dolled-up she was: grooming yourself communicates that you respect your appearance and yourself. So make it a dating "must," and let's look at five ways you can maintain a healthy appearance easily and comfortably. 1: The World's Most Comfortable Shave Treat the World's Most Comfortable Shave like a recipe. Here are the ingredients and instructions. Ingredients:

Clean, disposable razor - expensive ones are unnecessary
Old-fashioned shaving cream, like you find at Barbasol
A shower (including soap and shampoo)
A sink

Directions: To have a really comfortable shave, you have to take a shower first. The warm water will moisten your skin and prevent those brutal "dry" shaves that make you want to cringe. Soap up and shampoo like you normally would (including the face - see #2), and then rinse and dry off, but don't get fully clothed yet. Warm your hands with water from the sink and apply a generous amount of shaving cream on your face, getting all the nooks and crannies. Rinse your hands with the warm water when you're ready, and then let the water run a bit while you get it scalding hot. It should be uncomfortable to the touch. Using a fresh disposable blade (they go bad quickly, but you can buy packs of them for easy replacement), start shaving the way you like. Rinse in the extra-hot water: the hot water will make the blade more comfortable each time you rinse. Complete your shave and voila! Not bad, eh? 2. Wash your face daily. You can't wash your face at 5:00 and expect it to be clear by your date at 8:00. You need to be washing your face on a daily basis. There's no reason most guys with zits in their 20's should look like a pimply-faced teen serving hamburgers at McDonald's: you have to remember to wash your face with regular old soap every time you shower. Doing so won't only help you prepare for a nice shave, but it will clear your skin and help you look fresher on a daily basis. Use special soaps and creams only if they do the job for you - often times, a minor skin condition might go away from regular cleaning. Anything beyond that and you should see a dermatologist. 3. Get Rid of Excess Hair. You can't exactly wax your back "quickly," so if you've got a date tonight, just remove the excess hair that your clothes don't cover. I'm personally a hairy beast, so a little shaving of the top of my chest hair - the hair that comes close to the neck - is enough to avoid the Robin Williams look. The same goes for hair on the back of your neck - you can use a simple razor and the double-mirror system to check your own progress. You don't have to pluck your eyebrows necessarily, but unibrows are a no-no: either pluck them or shave them. 4. Cure your bad breath. If you can avoid it, don't eat any garlic before your date - garlic won't only affect your breath, but you won't be able to stop the smell from eeking out of your pores. Unless you're dating Chef Boyardee, this probably is probably something to avoid. Bad breath isn't only tooth-brushing and breath mints, though those are essential. You'll also want to consider purchasing a tongue scraper - a lot of the bad breath we get comes from our tongue, and you don't want to ignore it, especially if you think you'll be going in for the kiss later on. 5. Reduce B.O. and wetness. This could probably make an article in and of itself, so let's look at the basics. First, use anti-perspirant deodorant - the anti-perspirant will help fight wetness and stop odor-causing bacteria from growing. It's not enough just to cover the problem, you'll have to make sure you sweat as little as possible under your pits. Second, don't try to "mask" your B.O., try to minimize it. Over-doing the cologne will come across as cheesy and too eager to impress. Third, wear fresh clothes. Really, guys. Every day. Fourth, shave your armpits. Huh? Shaving your armpits will help eliminate any of the "old" smells quickly, along with a shower and a thorough pit-wash.

Dan on How to Have Fun and Excite Women (at the Same Time)

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:16:09 -0600

Do you remember that one kid in high school or college who always seemed to have something entertaining or fun to say? You know the type - he was probably on the football team, he was always talking, and he was always the center of attention. No matter how slow things seemed to be going, he always had something fun to offer. The guy you're thinking of probably didn't do too badly with the ladies, either. Back in the day, it was easy to dismiss that guy's charisma as "innate," but with a little study and a lot of practice, anyone can develop the exact same kind of charm. What kind of charm am I talking about? The kind where you manage your own private party - amusing yourself, first and foremost - and simply along other people for the ride. An Example of Your Own Private Party Watch the above video of British rock star Robbie Williams giving an interview. Notice that Robbie is always the center of attention, and the people around him can't help but crack up. Why? What's going on here? Robbie Williams is, first and foremost, amusing himself in that video. Sure, he's joking around, but the undercurrent of what's going on suggests that he's the cool guy, he's the life of the party, and he's treating himself as such. How and Why to Be Your Own Private Party Women are attracted to cool men. It's that simple. But too many guys are focused on "acting" cool when instead they could be cool simply by amusing themselves. In the Robbie Williams video above, he is assuming his own high status, and entertaining himself from that frame of mind. He doesn't really mind making the interviewer uncomfortable - as long as he's amusing himself. Not only is this kind of energy infectious and fun, but it communicates that you're really a man who doesn't give his power away to women he's just met. Too often on dates, men are concerned with making the woman comfortable, and how good of a time she's having. Guys might even ask "so how am I doing so far?" as if he's in a job interview and she's the boss. Tell me, guys: if the objective is to be cool, does seeking her approval really excite her, or does it bore her? Instead, concentrate on having your own fun first. Emotions are infectious, so if you're having fun, she'll probably have fun, too - but don't worry about her. She should be trying to get into your private party, trying to win you over. When you amuse yourself first, the underlying assumption is that you are cool because you deserve to have fun. Think back to the introduction to this article, and that one guy from high school or college who just seemed to ooze charisma and fun. Was he concentrating on other people having fun, or was he making his own fun?

Dan on Dating Advice: Dealing With "Cold" Women

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:14:12 -0600

Okay, so you've read last week's bit of dating advice and you're a little excited because you went out and had some fun with it. And yet, it didn't seem to work perfectly, as maybe you met a girl or two who didn't respond well and - despite that you were trying to have fun - actually were downright cold or rude to you. What's a fella to do? Here are a few strategies for dealing with this, em, phenomenon. The first step is really simple: ignore and continue. The simple fact is, a lot of women are going to see that you're having fun, that you're a positive and somewhat dominant guy, and if you're just starting to get out there and meet women, you won't be 100% comfortable with it. Women will pick up on this and, while they might want to have fun with you, in reality they've only just met you and they're not sure if this is how you really. So they're going to have to test how strong your mindset is. Are you having fun and being in your own party (as described in last week's post)? Okay, good. But there's no reason this should all crumple down once you've been shot down by one woman, in one situation, one time. Simply ignore the fact that she's behaving so coldly and keep on truckin', pal. Being emotionally unreactive will communicate that you're a master of your emotions and don't need her validation to support your self-esteem. Cool, huh? If this isn't enough, move on to step two: banter. Point out her coldness in a way that shows you're not letting her get to you. For example, if you've approached a woman and she's with her friend, and still acting cold to you despite the fact that both of them are clearly interested in you in some capacity, say to her friend "she's not much for a party, is she?" and put your arm around the cold fish. Obviously, you want to feel that you have some amount of interest before you do this. But don't be afraid to tackle the situation head-on: you've given the woman more than enough chance to join your little party, and she's still not taking it. Playfully tease her because, hey, it's kind of silly not to want to have fun. If that doesn't warm her up, move on to step three: enforce your standards. You should have personal standards of behavior - both of yourself and the company you keep. If you've given a woman ample opportunity to have fun with you, given her a little witty banter, and still she insists on acting rudely, there's no reason to keep the interaction going. Remember: when you're out, you should place your own happiness first, because you'll be able to share your good mood with others. Don't let her take you down if you've invested too much. Say a polite goodbye and move on; hey, she just might miss you.