Should You Try to Avoid Having a Crush?
Ah, the “crush.” That feeling of hearts-a-twitter and butterflies in the stomach when you look across the classroom, restaurant, bar, and see someone who looks appealing enough to be “that special someone” in your life.
Is it all just B.S.?
Not every crush starts as daydreaming of sunshine and rainbows and ends up in a new, fantastic relationship. Sometimes, reality can have a way of bringing us back to earth. If you’ve ever had a crush on someone and it didn’t end all that well, this article is for you.
The Advantages of Having a Crush on Someone
There are certainly a few advantages to having a crush on someone, as nervous as you may be when you’re within hearing distance of the one you pine for.
Motivation - Sometimes, it takes more than a gentle breeze to get us off of our butts and talking to someone we have an interest in. Having a crush on someone gets you daydreaming, and eventually, you start asking yourself, “wait a minute…how can I make this daydream a reality? How can I ask this person out?” If that’s the case, you’re on the right track.
Bringing people together - When a crush is mutual, you’ll probably see two people have a relationship sooner or later. Whether it’s a high school crush that buds into a relationship through back-alley channels (”Josh likes you. Do you like Josh?”) or the budding of an adult romance, mutual crushes have a way of inspiring relationships that last.
The Disadvantages of Having a Crush on Someone
With the above in mind, it’s worth nothing that a crush isn’t always the best thing for you, particularly if you’ve got the wrong kind of crush.
Nervousness - It’s possible to overcome nervousness, but overcoming that challenge has to come from within you. The key here is whether or not you allow your nervousness to dictate your life. Sure, it’s nerve-wracking asking your crush out on a date. But it’s better than being the guy who didn’t try.
Neediness - Neediness kills attraction. Lighting a romantic spark when one of you is too needy is like trying to light a match in space: probably not going to happen. Guys: have you ever noticed that when you have a girlfriend, other women seem more interested in you? Perhaps it’s because you’re “unavailable” and dating someone who is high-quality, but it might also because when you have a girlfriend, you’re more relaxed around other women.
Conclusions? Maybe the thing to avoid isn’t the crush itself, it’s letting the crush control you. If you find yourself becoming too infatuated with someone, take a step back, take a deep breath, and see if you really can list the reasons why you like someone. If your answers don’t go beyond “he/she’s just so attractive,” then you might want to come to your senses.
Erin Andrews vs Leeann Tweeden
Today is Hot Sportscaster Day here on Hottie Matchup, and though there were many to choose from, you can’t go wrong with Erin Andrews and Leeann Tweeden. That goes for Hot Any Woman Day, too.
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Loading ...Layla Kayleigh vs Olivia Munn
I’ve noticed something very peculiar about television hosts on cable channels like G4: they often seem to be attractive, young women. Hmm.
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Loading ...Shia LaBeouf vs Harrison Ford
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Loading ...Keeley Hazell vs Denise Milani
I would love to tell you some more about these two women, but I’m afraid their pictures have rendered me a stammering, uselessly ineloquent caveman. HottieMatchup expects to return to normal tomorrow.
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Loading ...The Truth About Dating and Attracting Women
If you’re a guy or gal who’s been struggling with dating, and none of the tips, techniques, or strategies have seemed to work out so far - in fact, the harder you try, the worse you seem to do - then this article is for you. It’s time to reveal the truth about dating.
It’s often better to be relaxed and have no game plan than nervous and with one.
If you’re taking a woman out on a first date, you might know exactly what you want to do, including how you want to flirt, what different areas of your life you want to talk about, and where you might take her after dinner. Even though it’s good to have intent and goals behind your interactions, this won’t help you if you’re too nervous for your own good.
This is especially true when you’re making a first impression. You might logically understand how to be a charming flirt, but if your knees buckle when it comes down to crunch time then it will seem like you can’t say anything right.
If, on the other hand, you’re relaxed throughout an entire interaction with a woman, you’ll do much better. Think about it: what does being relaxed around women say about you? It says that you’re used to the presence of women. If you’re relaxed and not nervous, then you clearly don’t assign too much value to the interaction with this woman, which means you’re being “normal” and not putting her on a pedestal.
There’s something interesting that happens, too: if you’re relaxed and normal, the more attractive the woman you’re talking to, the better being “normal” will work. Why? Women who are used to being hit on, stared at, and gawked after are much more likely to feel that your relaxed, normal presence is refreshing. And she’ll also see that you don’t think being around an attractive woman is a big deal, which says that you must have some women in your life.
The Truth About Attraction
The truth about attraction is that it’s easier than you think. Most guys are so wound up in their notions of female attraction that they trip over their own obstacles: they try too hard to manipulate, exaggerate, and force their way into a woman’s liking.
Being relaxed and normal is far more effective.
If you think about the woman’s perspective, you’ll better understand why. Remember that a woman will watch your behavior around her and often make the unconscious assumption that your behavior is how you consistently act around all of the women in your life. If you’re trying too hard to appear confident and smooth, that says a few things about you. What does it say?
- It says that you don’t view yourself as confident and smooth, because you’re “trying” to be something you must assume you’re not.
- It says that you, in fact, view yourself as having a lower status than the woman because you’re trying to force your status up to her level.
Going off of first impressions, the woman is forced to assume that you’re not that desireable as a mate. But what if you’re relaxing and being yourself?
- It says that you’re not intimidated by her beauty, suggesting that you might know a few other beautiful women and might even be dating one.
- It says that you view yourself on an equal playing field as the woman and don’t have to manipulate your own behavior to “level up” to her status.
This is far more attractive.
Does that mean being relaxed and natural is easier? Not always. Sometimes you can’t help but be nervous around a woman. On the other hand, it is far simpler.
Tripping Up on your Own Obstacles
Attraction happens quickly - once a girl decides that she likes you, it’s essentially up to you to mess it up. And this is where most guys mess up.
After attracting a woman’s interest, many guys don’t necessarily pick this interest up on their radar, even if the woman is inwardly very attracted to the guy. The mistake then comes when a guy continues to try to attract a woman who’s already interested.
After a while, there’s a lot of diminishing returns when it comes to female attraction. If you approached a woman, cracked a few jokes, and feel comfortable around her, that’s often enough to generate attraction. But if you keep trying to manipulate her into liking you, she’ll realize that you aren’t that good with women, and her attraction levels will drop. She might not even consciously know why her attraction levels are dropping; it just “happens.”
That’s why you want to keep things simple after that. The man is expected to lead; so lead. Don’t worry about impressing her anymore. If you want to ask her out, don’t make up a big excuse, just ask her out.
The problems with attraction often arise in the guy’s own head rather than the girl’s true feelings.
You don’t have to be particularly good-looking, rich, fit, or have expensive hobbies in order to attract a woman. All you have to do is demonstrate to her through being natural, relaxed, and “normal,” is that you are someone confident in your own value.
Emmanuelle Chriqui vs Nadine Velazquez
These two women aren’t exactly named “Betty Sue,” but they’ve both made their mark on TV - Chriqui on Entourage and Velazquez on My Name is Earl. Which lady would you rather tune in to?
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